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This is a book unlike any other you will have read.
That’s because, in this book, you get to understand a whole
lot of issues that you have – till now – been in
the dark about.
Well, you haven’t really been in the dark. I have found that
whenever I discuss the findings presented here with other women
– of all ages - they quickly relate them to their own life
experiences.
They also get really excited because suddenly a lot of things that just
didn’t add-up, now make sense!
Why there is confusion about what
type of guy makes a great mate?
Why has it been
difficult to work out compatibility?
Part of
the answer lies in understanding that there are different types of
attraction.
In fact there are three types of attraction:
• Genetic attraction: having good offspring, survival
• Social attraction: relationships, quality of life
• Learned attraction: survival of community, culture
In this brief article I will look at just the first of these:
1. Genetic attraction (based on instinct and may be
signaled when we feel “chemistry”).
Genetic attraction works to
help us
select a mate who will maximize the quality/survival of our offspring.
Genetic attraction says that a guy is healthy and strong enough. These
signals include: facial symmetry (resistance to disease), body size
(can win battles) and dominate other males), smell –
(pheromones and
hormone mix that indicate genetic diversity).
This may explain how some
women can answer the question:
HOW DO YOU KNOW THE ONE?
with:
You just
know it. No magic to it, no mystery,
you just
know it.
But there is more to this. After all, while we may all yearn for this
experience, most women are either misled by it or don't experience it
at all!
In other words, for many, the strong "he is the one" - turns
out to be wrong!
Others
never get the "you just know it" experience at all!
And we can find little useful help in books or magazines. Part of the
reason is that there is no real appreciation that there are these three
types of attraction and that
most guys are attractive on only one or two of these.
Part of the reason is
that "genetic" urges are largely ignored or misunderstood by therapists
and writers. The last
century has focussed our understanding on the psychology of attraction.
That has meant focussing on "soocial attraction" and such things as
personality, communications, power and dominance and so on.
But genetic attraction may be strong even though there is no social
attraction. Or there may be strong social attraction but no
"chemistry". How can we decide compatibility in these cases?
The resulting confusion has meant that many women have lost faith in
their own ability to make good choices. Many women have turned to
astrology, psychics, and other mysticals tools for guidance
(what pick up artists call "chick crack" and use in their
pick-up routines! Beware the guy who wants to "read your palm"!)
Fortunately, all is not lost!
There are some simple and foolproof ways that we can work out whether a
guy is the right one for us.
Better
than astrology, better than "you just know", better than personality
checklist, better than your friends and definately better than any of
his tricks!
For example, take the man sitting behind me in the cafe where
I am writing this. I have just over heard him make several rather
intriguing phone calls.
The first one was to his son to excitedly tell him about a watch he has
found on the internet. The technical details escape me but I did take
on board that the watch costs $120,000. Yup, quite a lot.
I thought "boys and their toys"! Who would seriously buy a watch at
that price?
Second call was to someone who might have the watch!
Yes, they did have it in stock. Then I hear him say
"I would like to bring my son in to have a look. It's a present
for
my wife. Would 3.00PM be OK"
Then he rings his son back with even great excitement to arrange to
pick him up so they can check out the watch.
Here is guy whose actions say "I am a good mate"
Not
because he is spending $120,000 on his wife.
But because he is taking the time and the effort to participate in an
important relationship ritual.
There is a good reason that we women mind when anniversaries and
birthdays or other important relationship-based events are ignored or
forgotton by our men.
Research reveals that how men treat these rituals give us important
clues about his ability
to be faithful and his mating style.
So if you have strong genetic attraction for a guy that
ignores relationship rituals then you are probably attracted to a guy
that will put no effort into relationship building and will probably
cheat as well.
Of course, this is a bit oversimplified. There are more
things to consider before you can work out compatibility.
You can find out more about how to do this in my book:
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